It’s 5am on a Thursday, but it’s raining so hard outside that I woke up. I’m praying that I won’t work today. I’m going to Lethbridge on Saturday to go drifting. Thoughts of this city, have provoked some very serious contemplations. My world is changing.
I remembered the basement suite where I slept, and occasionally shared with the odd guy whom my land lady upstairs perhaps found attractive enough that she thought there was valid reason to destroy the peace I had established their for myself. A fridge, a toaster and a hotplate. I remember the food I made back then, and realize now that I actually ate a lot better than I do now. Ego’s. I hate tomato sauce. Some guy with a wrecked intestine, and a horrible appetite for toilet paper…
When I was forced to share my small world with someone else, my room became everything. PS1 and GT2 on a sick TV with a wood box. My PC and dial up internet… owch. Club4ag, and the beginning of DK. From here… I got up every morning at 530am to hit my backoads. About this time… 7 years ago.
Crazy.
That city was enough for me. I love things that are small. I loved coulees, and the crazy abandoned network of roads around them. There was this weird morning mist, that I haven’t experienced in a long time. You could get anywhere in that city, any time of day… in under 15min. Sometimes now… I can’t even get out of my freaking community in 20. I hate so many things about Calgary.
I went to this tiny church every Sunday. The floors creaked. They actually used hymnals. People invited me to their houses for lunch every week. I think about the people who were my friends. Where are they now? Will I look for them this weekend? Will I just go drifting, driving and leave? Will I visit a ghetto mall, and flat movie theatre with paisley’s on the carpet.
I feel old these days. Responsibilities have crushed various parts of me. A debt, a monkey job and the countless number of people who have since showed me relationships without love. Contact without intimacy. Destroyed dreams and harsh realities. Life sucks. This isn’t easy.
Maybe my trip to Lethbridge will awaken various parts of me. Hope. Excitement. I’m looking forward to an old time feeling.
Or maybe Lethbridge will have changed too. Killed by Chapters and Walmart. Jdm punks and cineplex odeon. If that’s the case… whatever. I want the quiet life. I’ll just retreat further and further down… until one day. I’m gone.
I love you 淑子。